dispersing thoughts

bexpham:

Payphone (Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa Cover) | Jason Chen
I’m at a payphone trying to call home,
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone
Baby it’s all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairytales are full of sh*t
One more stupid love song I’ll be sick

You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
You can’t expect me to be fine
I don’t expect you to care
I know I’ve said it before
But all of our bridges burned down

I’ve wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I’m paralysed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise.

weeeenhi:

suzaypoo:

weeeenhi:

“If you really knew me, you know I like to mask how I truly feel most of the time until it’s too overwhelming. You know that I try to solve my own problems and try not to rely on others for my emotional problems. I had trouble opening up and trusting didn’t ever come that easy to me.
You know that I’m really selective when it comes to having close friends. I used to be this shy girl who wasn’t the biggest social butterfly. If you met me back in freshmen year, I probably would have never done this. But there were reasons why I had trouble opening up, meeting new people, and socializing.
If you really knew me, you would know that I struggle on a daily basis with what has happened to me over the 17 years of living. I come from a broken home. My parents lived in the same roof but what should of been a haven—a sanctuary—a home to me was nothing of that sort. I’ll save the detail and cut to the chase, I was a victim of child abuse. I couldn’t ever voiced that until all the violence has stopped.
…”
I just realized that this cuts off. But if you would just like to read the rest.

“I was always taught since I was born to respect my elders. So I always kept silent. I would listen to my parents—my dad. Despite how wrong everything was. I was scared and there were points I just wanted to end all of it. End all of this misery. I wanted people to know. Someone to stop it. But my mom again, still after all those years, felt like she needed him. Even when my sister and me believed we didn’t.
The last time I recollect of being hit was at the age of 14. And it’s still a vivid memory to me, something that doesn’t ever leave you. And for some of you, it’s probably near your age range—-I was hit by a bat.
And I always tried to find an escape going to school, always hoping for the best. But it wasn’t easy, carrying the weight of what happened at home, trying to leave it behind, and then having other people bring you down. As if the pain I was burdening wasn’t enough.
I remember being in 2nd grade and dealing with 5th graders who would pull their eyes and make racist remarks towards me. And if I cried about that, people would make fun of me for crying about it. Life for me…wasn’t easy.
And racist jokes still happen up to this joke, all the dirty looks, the way people treat me, or assume how I’m a certain asian ethnic. You want to know what change me? All the time I got to think when I spent locked away in a room.
I thought that if I could make it through this, I was going to be able to help others. All I was ever searching for was someone who could relate to me. And if I could provide the same comfort and security that I always seek—-how many lives would I save. I grew a heart out of an experience that discourage me..that broke me.
But somehow through all that tragedy, I found light within the comfort of my own mind. Now I am here, telling you that I have found my voice, and to let you know that if there is anyone who needs advice, comfort, or help after listening to this. You are more than welcome to speak to me. I will listen.
This has took a lot of me, from all these years, to finally open up this part of me to the public.”

I know I will cry when I present this during Challenge Day as the organizational leader who is scheduling and putting this together myself within my school. I didn’t want to get into more detailed things about myself, I still think there needs to hold a bit of myself that stays personal. Things that I share to people who get the chance to become closer to me.

Aside from that, it’s difficult condensing 17 years of stuff within a time limit. But that’s a general gist of a few things. That’s a little insight about me. I just know that I couldn’t expect others to open up on this day, if I as a leader, didn’t do it myself. So here it is. Me, open, and vulnerable.

This is wonderful Nhi. You’re such a beautiful person. Gosh, I seriously teared up listening to this. 

Awe thank you so much. ♥